Well Baby Jake sure has had a big birthday weekend!
It's funny to think that it was 21 years ago today that my Baby Jake came into the world.
I remember the doctor lifting Jake up on his palm and all I could see were these two SWOLLEN BALLS!
We used to call this pic "Jake with Blood"
Of course they shrunk and prob haven't grown much bigger since that day hehehe. Nahhhh some things a mother doesn't need to know!
Of course nothing can prepare you for the changes that having a baby brings to your life. And I always say to people, esp pregnant ones - if it was that bad then people wouldn't go back and do it again!
Mind you I had lots of drugs..... cause I am a sook :)
But on this day 21 years ago my life changed and changed for the better. As some of you may know or may not know, when Jake was only 13mths old his father left and from that day on it's been me and Jake, against the world it has felt sometimes. But I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Now as we know Jake is not a conventional kid. There was no 21st party, where I could embarrass him with a speech. Thank god for The Morley Report..... I knew it would come in handy one day!!!
And Jake has always been an individual, not a sheep, not a follower. And sometimes Groover's when you are a young'un that's a hard pill to swallow. But I used to say to Jake that one day, when you are older people, the Laydees will like that in you. I like that he has his own thoughts (even though I may not agree at times....), I like that he is responsible, thoughtful, kind hearted. Of course I don't like that he is a pig and messy, but hey a Mum can't have it all!
Jake is my best friend.
Sometimes though it feels like he is my father when I have to come home and fess up that I have booked YET ANOTHER holiday!! So I guess you could say we have an unusual relationship. Sometimes it's Brother & Sister, sometimes it's friend's, sometimes I play my mother card and sometimes it's Father & Daughter! (I'm the daughter, just so you know hehehe). But I can always count on Jake to be there, to listen and support me, my holidays, my job changes, me putting shit on him in person and on The Morley Report. And I am afraid he has inherited my sad sense of humour.... sorry kids, but it's true!
But of course I can't just end it here. It's kinda like a Charlie Sheen Roast but better.... You want to flick pages and not read any further buttttt you just have to know the "sad" Baby Jake stories.
Okkkkk you twisted my arm tee hee.
But where do I start.... I guess I could talk about the time when Jake got his arm stuck on TWO different occasions in the drink holder at movies, when he nearly hung himself on the clothesline under the house (but didn't tell me), the time he went rollerskating and switched to roller blades and only just made it from the carpet to the rink floor and took one, JUST ONE, skate move out with the left leg and fell. Andddddd broke his wrist! Or the time he king hit a McDonald's empty cup sitting on the fence on the way home from school and found out it was impaled and broke his arm.
But it would be too easy to talk about those times....
Of course I could mention when he stuck fake tattoos from a bug book that my Mum gave him all over his body. And by all I mean ALLLLLLLLL even over the good old doodie region - as I liked to call it.
Then there was that time (nooooo again not band camp) when he asked me about the start of Look Who's Talking, you know when the sperm are swimming to the egg and said to me, all face serious "Mum, I can handle it" and prob was 4! I was a big believer in being honest with him about things, but in a simple way to explain, so that he knew the truth etc.
One day he came home from school and I said "Jake, you know the times of the month when Ladies get crabby?" and he would say "yes" and I would say "Well that is TONIGHT!!!" LOL.
He loved to dance whilst watching his reflection in the Entertainment Unit's glass door. One time he left it too late to organise a Show & Tell for school. Sooo unlike Jake!! So when he had to get up, he did his "Dance". Now let me tell you Groover's that DANCE, if you could call it that, was very fast moving. Picture if you had ants crawling all over your body and you were moving to get them off..... then you would have the Jake Morley dance!
The teacher must have found it hard not to laugh and actually said to Jake after he had finished his routine, yes Jake that is very good. We could all do that in the morning to warm up!
I can remember one time coming to pick him up from Daycare. He was prob 4/5 and I couldn't find him, thennnnnn I walked around the side of the big Cubby House and there he was, sitting on a bike, watching his friend Brittaney and Big Aaron (as we used to call him cause he was tall) simulating SEX! With Big Aaron on top and Jake watching..... Things haven't changed that much!!!
His humour def cracks me up. One time sitting in my lounge room he had been having a bath and came out across the doorway with The Rudey Nudey dance, complete with dance moves and towel!
Of course I could also mention when he was naked and playing with a vase and singing a Doodey song.... but I might save that one for when he turns 30!
You name it, he has hurt it! I put him in a swing once in the park, you know one of those Tyre swings, but I put him in the wrong way and he got stuck! And it was only me and I tried and tried but couldn't lift him out. I imagined calling in Police Rescue...... I was soooo embarrassed that eventually I found the strength and got him out!
He is a big Animal Lover. Just ask Embee..... One time we were swimming at a friends pool in her Townhouse complex and he was showing off to some kids in the pool. I saved a lady beetle, as you do and showed Jake and he slapped his hand onto it in my palm!! So I slapped his face in front of the kids. He never did that again!
When he was little I had to let off a flea bomb and he asked what happened to the fleas and I told him they just get a bit drunk. Which he accepted. A few years later I had to let off another flea bomb. This time he could read and when he read the can he screamed to me YOU LIED! They die.......... and was crying!
I lived through The Banana's in Pajamas, Humphrey B Bear (who I do love by the way), Sesame Street, Play School, Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Pokemon..... and heard 6 million stories on them all.
I've dragged him to every holiday place and Theme Park in Queensland so now he just wants to stay home and go nowhere.... well with me anyway :(
When he was 16 he got an eyebrow piercing when he lived with his Dad in Townsville for five months and a couple of weeks after coming home and attending Schoolies, had a drinking accident and knocked it nearly out by hitting his eye on the corner of a table whilst playing a drinking game!
I've had phone calls from schoolies, two actually on different days asking where the condoms were.... FOR A FRIEND!
I've walked down the internal stairs to spring him watching porn on the computer and flicking to another page..... that was last night! hehehehe Nahhhhhhh a few years back now.
He has been there when we had to put our beloved dog Dannii down at the vet and held my hand. Was there when we had our old cat Herman put down as well and when I couldn't get up to speak at my Grandad's funeral, he was my voice.
I always like to tell him that I ALWAYS WIN because I have a Vagina and gave birth to him. This usually shuts him up, but he has heard it many times over the years.
And when he was little and thought he knew it all, I would respond: of course sorry I forgot, you are a boy and you know everything and I am a girl and I know nothing. Sorry....
Of course when he was naughty I would send him to his room, to think about what he had done and when he was ready to behave he could come outside. Sometimes he never came out until the next day.... This happened a few times!
Of course who can forget when he did the Mega Death Burger Challenge last year....
And then this year he became a Big Brother to Cooper at the age of 20!
And a very proud Big Brother at that!
And through the years has had some wonderful friends!
But through all the tears, the tantrums and laughs (and there has been lots of these) we have been a team, a partnership. One to even this day, when maybe it isn't that cool to hang out with your Mum... and we have even bought our house together and share it 50/50. Of course if I want something a certain way, I win, cause I'm the girl (and I gave birth out of that vagina.... don't you forget it baby!).
So for now that brings me to the end of my Baby Jake Morley Roast x 21.
Here is to the next 21, to whatever it may bring. Whether that means loose women, more tattoo's, grandchildren... god only knows.
Tonight we had lots of laughs. Jake tried to eat a 1kg steak, plus potatoes and veges. Downed a Jack and Coke, a Blue Cocktail with many ingredients and had a dessert with ice-cream and a nip of Frangelico!
Let's just say it was an interesting night and ride home....
He is still awake but I am sure will pass out very soon! His poor belly.....
Well if you made it through all of my ramblings, a Morley Congrats to YOU!
Thanks for reading and for sharing the Morley Moments!